How I overcame my fear of solo travel, and some practical tips to help you do the same.
Five years ago, after years of wanting, wishing and dreaming of travelling solo, I finally made the decision to do it. It was the best decision I ever made.
Why travel solo?
I have many friends who love travel just as much as I do, but, for all sorts of reasons (career, mortgage, relationship), none of them were willing or able to join me on an extended adventure to the other side of the world.
But my desire to travel solo ran deeper than not having anyone to go with. I wanted to prove to myself that I was capable, that I could cope, that I could enjoy my own company, and that I could make friends with people from different countries, cultures and backgrounds. Most of all, I wanted to have an adventure. My adventure.
For years I procrastinated. I always had a reason or excuse why I couldn’t or shouldn’t or wouldn’t do it. My excuses all fell into one category. Fear.
How to overcome fear of solo travel?
I started by writing a list of my biggest fears and main excuses. Seeing this list in black and white helped me put my concerns into perspective and allowed me to rationalise and then ultimately overcome them. I thought about:
- What’s the worst that could happen?
- How could I prevent the worst from happening?
- What’s the best that could happen?
- How could I make the best case scenario a reality?
Choices, Chances, Changes
The best case scenarios far outweighed the worst case scenarios. I knew I had a choice to make and in the end I chose solo travel.
This is a list of my main fears and excuses and how I overcame them:
Cost
Travel doesn’t have to break the bank, but I did need some money under my belt to book a flight, pay for accommodation and feed myself for the duration of my travels.
I (over)estimated daily living costs and worked out a budget. With a target in mind, I set up a savings account and transferred a set amount each month on pay day. I funded this by:
- giving up a few small treats like expensive morning latte’s, take-out breakfasts and sweet snacks;
- swapping nights out with friends for nights in with friends;
- taking packed lunches to work;
- trading my digital TV subscription for free-view; and
- reducing my monthly clothes/shoes allowance by more than half.
Although I didn’t realise it at the time, I was training myself to choose experiences over things. I was surprised at how easy it was once I’d set my mind to it, and within a few months I had reached my target.
What if I run out of money?
I figured that’s what credit cards are for! I didn’t use my credit card at all, but having that safety net for emergencies meant that I couldn’t use money (or fear of not having enough) as an excuse not to go.
It would be foolish to give up my ‘good’ job
This was a huge deal for me. I had a ‘good’ job with a ‘good’ salary and I was ‘good’ at what I did. But the unfortunate truth was that I didn’t like my job very much. Still, that wasn’t incentive enough for me to overcome my inherent fear of being unemployed.
Luckily, my employer had a Career Break Policy and although my initial request for a career break was rejected, I had made my decision and I wasn’t going to give up at the first hurdle.
I spent the next few months working my backside off and basically proving my worth. I produced a plan of how my work would be covered while I was away and armed with a compelling business case I resubmitted my career break application a few months later. My employer still wasn’t keen, but they knew I was prepared to resign and they didn’t want to lose me permanently. So, after a bit of negotiation my application was eventually approved.
Please don’t make false threats to your employer about resigning. You have to be willing and able to follow through if you’re even going to hint at resigning or this plan could seriously backfire. But one thing’s for sure, with or without a Career Break Policy, if you don’t ask, you won’t get.
The world is huge, where will I go?
There were so many places I’d dreamed of visiting, yet I had to think of a way to cram my adventure into 3 short months. So I wrote down my deal clinchers and deal breakers and soon settled on Fiji, New Zealand and Australia.
I still find it difficult to decide on travel destinations but I’ve found a way to narrow down my options. I write the alphabet in a vertical line. Against each letter I write the name of the first country that comes to mind. Once I’ve got my shortlist I do some research (flights, cost, things to do, weather) before finally choosing where to go next. It’s fun. I’d recommend it.
What if I don’t make friends?
I discovered within an hour or so of arriving in Fiji, that it’s almost impossible not to make friends when travelling solo. Let me repeat that. It is almost impossible not to make friends.
Nevertheless this was what worried me the most. I decided to spend the first four weeks of my trip participating in a group volunteer project. The staff and volunteers I shared a dorm with, worked beside, ate with and partied with were ready made friends. And great friends they became. But I was to discover before even arriving at my first destination how willing people are to to talk to you.
On my first international flight to LA I befriended a Lebanese lady and on my second flight to Fiji, a Kiwi couple befriended me. Within a few hours of arriving in Fiji, I’d had coffee and conversation with a French solo traveller and made firm friends with a Canadian and an American. I don’t know whether, as a solo traveller you subconsciously attract other solo travellers and like minded people, whether being on your own forces you to step out of your comfort zone and talk to people with whom you normally wouldn’t, or whether people are just generally nice and friendly. Honestly, I think it’s a combination of all three.
If you’re still in doubt, these are my tips for making friends when travelling solo:
- Stay in shared rooms in hostels – it’s almost impossible not to talk to your room mates.
- Cook in hostel kitchens and share your recipe ideas and tips.
- Ask about the book someone’s reading or offer someone the book you’ve finished reading.
- Go for dinner/drinks in your hostel bar.
- Book a small group excursion or trip.
- When someone invites you to join them for a game of something or other, to watch a film, or to go to the beach, just say yes.
Some of the friends I’ve met whilst travelling will be friends for life, others were friends for a month, a week, a few days or only 10 minutes. But a friend’s a friend!
Stranger Danger!
In direct contradiction to my fear of not making friends was my fear of making the wrong type of friends. The world is scary and unsafe, right?
Wrong!
A few weeks before I left for my travels, someone more experienced and worldly wise than I, told me that 99.9% of people in the world are nice, good, honest people.
That statement really hit a nerve with me. It was my mantra throughout my travels and remains with me now.
Often, when we’re abroad we let down our barriers, totally relax and forget that staying safe is usually a matter of common sense. Staying safe isn’t so difficult if you stick to a few simple rules:
- Don’t get blind drunk. And when you’re in a bar, keep an eye on your drink, just like you would at home.
- Stick to busy, public places as much as possible, especially at night.
- Don’t walk home alone late at night.
- Don’t leave your valuables in view or carry large amounts of cash.
- Divide your money between different pockets if you can.
- Always keep a stash of spare cash for emergencies. Always having some small change to hand helps if you want to avoid upsetting bus drivers.
- Don’t ignore or disregard warning signs.
- Trust your instincts.
Where there’s a will there’s a way
People talk themselves out of solo travel for many reasons. For me, it was fear. Fear of people, fear of being alone, fear of stepping outside my comfort zone. Ultimately it was fear of the unknown. But in the end it came down to choice – and where there’s a will there will always be a way.
Solo travel isn’t for everyone, but if you want to do it, do it. I did it. I’m still doing it. And if I can do it, anyone can.